total eclipse of the heart

We had a solar eclipse today.  A really special one!  The news told us that it would be extra-special because only people in the Pacific would be able to see it.  So, being in Hawaii, I was SO excited!  I went out and bought the special glasses with little viewing lenses so I wouldn't go blind trying to see it.  I got my students all fired up about it.  I set the alarm on my phone to go off so I wouldn't get distracted and miss it.  And then I waited.  At 2:23pm, as predicted, the moon moved a teensy tiny bit in front of the sun.  Here we go!  It was going to take about an hour for the whole thing, so I had to be patient and attentive.  It was really hot outside, and I didn't want to get sunburned, so I waited inside.  Every few minutes I ran out to check the progress.  It was moving!  Then it was time to head home from work.  While I was stopped at traffic lights, I peeked out my window and checked out the eclipse.  It was still moving!  The moon was getting closer and closer to blacking out the sun.  Then I got home, and decided to go for a run.  I took the special glasses with me on my run so I wouldn't miss anything.  I stopped and checked a few times on the run.  Still moving!  Finished the run, and somehow, the sun still wasn't quite there.  So, I had time for a shower.  Jumped out of the shower, dressed quickly, and ran to check on the sun again.  It was over.  I missed it!  I couldn't believe it.  I waited all day for it, I watched it periodically, and by 4pm, everything was over.  How on earth was it movings so slowy for an hour, and then all the sudden, the whole thing was over?!  I was so confused, and I was so upset.  Something was wrong... so I went online and learned that today was only supposed to be a partial eclipse.  It was never going to be a full one.  I saw exactly what was supposed to happen.  I even took pictures of it.  And yet I couldn't help but feel disappointed that I had missed out on something: that this ‘something special’ was not so special after all because it was only a partial eclipse. 

And then I got to thinking.  How many times have I only been a partial eclipse?  I work really hard to show other students how to pray, yet I don’t always spend my own time in prayer.  I give talks and testimonies about simplicity and the social injustices surrounding consumerism… yet I can look around my room right now and see so many things I haven’t even picked up or looked at in months!  I help coordinate service programs, but I don’t actually go out and do the service myself.  I force students who don’t get along to sit down and talk it out, yet I consciously make the choice to not-speak-with some of my coworkers.   I talk about the Marianist Charism and importance of always building community, yet I live alone and will spend an entire weekend locked up in my apartment, ignoring the rest of the world.  I spend so much time supporting others and helping them through problems with their families, yet I don’t always take time to care for my own family.  It reminds me of the story of the Rich Young Ruler in Matthew/Mark/Luke.  He kept the commands, but at the end of the day, Jesus presented him with a challenge he just could not handle. "One thing you still lack: sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” (Luke 18:22)  Just like the Rich Young Ruler, I have definitely done my part to participate in the eclipse, but I’ve never been a total eclipse.  I have only ever been a partial eclipse.  And when I think about how much I was let down today by this partial eclipse, I can’t even imagine how much I have let down others.   I can't even imagine how much I have let God down.  

 So now I turn to that fantastic Bonnie Tyler song from 1983… Total Eclipse of the Heart.  I look up with bright eyes to the sun and see Jesus, the perfect and complete eclipse.  I am reminded of his complete and utter selflessness; his courage to stand against all odds and to sacrifice for what is right.  I am also reminded of the constant, patient, unconditional love that God offers us.  I want to live like Jesus in the light of that love, not hide in the shadows of a partial eclipse.  And so, I offer up my prayer for metanoia.  Change my heart, Lord.  Help me to be more than just a partial eclipse… give me a total eclipse of my heart. 
 

Big Trouble!

I had the fantastic pleasure of hearing Bishop Kicanas from Tuscan, AZ speak this afternoon on Catholic Social Teaching and Immigration Reform.  I was really excited... it's a modern topic, there's lots of political/social/economic debate surrounding immigration, and it had the potential to pull in people from the community as well as youth and young adults from Chaminade University and Saint Louis School.  So I went, prepared to fulfill my duties as MC, and full of hope.  

I walked into the chapel where the lecture was taking place, and my spirits dropped instantly.  I was the youngest person in there by at least 20 years (with the exception of a few 30-somethings and two of my high schools students that I forced to come).  Wow.  A relevant topic, from a Bishop and the Chair of CRS, with a well-known passion for social justice, and there were about 60 people in attendance....none of whom were from my generation.  All I could think was, you failed me again, Church: you failed me again, peers.   

Nevertheless, I sat and listened.  Bishop Kicanas is a phenomenal speaker.  He mixed in jokes, Church doctrine, immigrant statistics, personal stories, and meaningful quotes from various authors and poets.  He was engaging, informative, inspiring, and very likable.  Altogether, if was a wonderful lecture.  But I just couldn't shake off the fact that there weren't any young people there.  The only thought in my head was "we're in big trouble."  My generation didn't show up... there was no interest in Catholic Social Teaching or immigration reform.  That scares me for the future of our country... what will happen to the immigrants?  What will happen to the Church?  What will happen to US?

And in his prophetic wisdom, Bishop Kicanas said that we are passed the days where we can sit idly by and just expect things to happen...that it is our duty as people of faith to get up and make it happen!  

So there I sat, pointing the finger at the Church for not reaching out to my generation.  There I sat, pointing the finger at my generation for not engaging in the Church.  There I sat fearful of the future of this country, of social justice, of immigrants' rights, and so much more.  There I sat, idly by, expecting things to happen.   I didn't do anything to make anything happen.  I didn't reach out to my friends or grad-school-classmates and invite them to come.  I didn't ask more students to come or take time to bring coworkers.  I didn't reach out to the Diocese office for Young Adult ministry.  I didn't reach out to any immigration offices or CRS groups.  I didn't do anything!  There I sat, idly by, just expecting things to happen.

So yes, we are in big trouble in terms of the future of the Church and a compassionate and just society.  My generation can be complacent and uninformed.  We can care more about ourselves, the latest music and movies, the best bar with the cheapest happy hour, and what time to hit the gym before the rush gets there.  We can easily sleep in on Sunday instead of being part of a worshiping community.  We can forget about our neighbors and the dignity of each individual, and buy the cute new top made in the sweatshops of Honduras.  We can choose to limit our world views to our own selfish needs.  We will be in big trouble if/when those decisions prevail.  But before looking out, I must look inward.  I am in big trouble too...for not doing my part to make things happen.  So next time, before I fill with anger, frustration, and finger-pointing, I'll ask myself one thing.  Did I sit idly by and expect things to happen, or did I do my part in making something happen?

Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words.

A new Pope seems likes as good of a time as any to bounce back into writing about my thoughts on the Church…. So here we go!

First of all, I can’t help but chuckle to myself over some of the radio and TV discussions I’ve heard.  “Is the new Pope going to change Church teachings on sex?”  “Will this new Pope allow Catholics to use contraception?”  “Is the Church teaching on abortion going to change?”  NO!  I mean, it’s not the Church teaching on abortion that would change, but rather the teachings about the dignity and value of a human life… and I surely hope that won’t change!  While I may have my struggles with some of the Church’s teachings, I can’t help but appreciate some of the beauty of it.  It is deeply rooted in tradition, practiced for hundreds of years, and explained by multiple generations of some of the greatest human minds to have ever existed.  At the core of all of these teachings, I find two very important things: (1) Respect for human life and (2) Commitment—to self-discipline and strict moral code, as well as to a rich historical tradition.  Despite so so sooo many thoughts, I choose to look at one thing, and one thing alone…the innate value and dignity found in every person.  I believe we are in serious danger if the new Pope somehow discerns that those teachings need to be redefined.    

Secondly, I find that little chuckle turning into a gentle smile.  I’ve read a lot of NPR and CNN articles about how the new Pope is from the ‘most conservative’ side of the Catholic Church.  I believe they are referring to ‘modern’ Church teachings such as abortion, same-sex marriage, and married priests.  But I find him to be quite the opposite.  When I look to the example of Jesus, I see a radical man who chose to eat with sinner and tax collectors… who flipped over tables in the synagogue because people were not respecting the house of the Lord…who made the bold statement to give up his own life so that others may live.  THAT is not conservative.  In fact, that is probably the biggest, boldest, most radical example I can think of!  Jesus was a passionate man, a social activist, a pursuer of justice, and an advocate for the marginalized.  In the act of choosing his name alone, Pope Francis chose to totally embody the radical example of Jesus (and St. Francis of Assisi, of course).  While the teachings may be viewed to the public masses as conservative, I am filled with hope for future of our human family.  Our new leader is going to shake up some of the wealth and power that has accumulated in the hierarchy of the Church (how very UNconservative!).  Our new leader is most known for his humility and commitment to the poor.  Our new leader is coming from the culturally-rich, growing community in the Church.  And I've read that our new leader will probably be writing encyclicals that stand up to Rerum Novarum, but for this generation.  With Pope Francis as our guide, I am proud to be part of the Church, and I am filled with eager anticipation for where his heart for justice will take us!   

With the examples of Jesus, St. Francis of Assisi (who is credited for saying this), and the newly elected Pope Francis... now is the time to PREACH THE GOSPEL. IF NECESSARY, USE WORDS!